What should sex be in Christian marriage?

What should sex be in a Christian marriage?

This is a highly overlooked and avoided subject that needs to be addressed biblically. We will provide biblical references and answers with humbleness. We will approach this topic with a very sound-minded approach. There should be peace and not confusion. Many husbands think that bringing pornography into the marriage bed is ok. On many occasions this has led to Adultery, an end to healthy intimacy, and sadly divorce. Couples in the body of Christ need complete guidance from the Holy Spirit.

This topic is sensitive I appreciate that, but it will be done in an unbiased and un-watered way. Sex is a gift from God to enjoy with our spouse. The more your eyes are pure, the more your heart is pure, then more pleasure will be pure in your marriage. Porn is a major contributor to unrealistic expectations from both partners. Communication is paramount and both married partners have to agree.

Being born-again Christians that are equally yoked, the same spirit, and eyes that focus on pleasing Christ, then sex in marriage comes naturally. If I please her I please him which in turn pleases Christ. Some people were sexually and emotionally abused as a child, bringing to light sexual issues, habits and traumas later in life. If you want to intensify your intimacy with your spouse, first intensify your intimacy with God. Do not turn or invite earthy sexual tendencies into a Godly marriage, just invite the Holy Spirit.

There is a misconception for many that sex means I can have anything I want and desire. Sex is sacred and was the two main institutions established at creation ie the Sabbath and marriage. You can not do everything you want. The Christian life is all about sacrifice to be in His will. Repentance is needed to wash away the ideology that sex is dirty, when in fact it’s a beautiful expression of oneness with your spouse:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
he asks, “Or do you not know that (your body) is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? (You are not your own), for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

The marriage bed has to bring safety and healing too. When love is pure there is enough pleasure that no extras are needed. The Word, the unity of the church, and the Holy Spirit are needed. This in turn creates a divine connection. Soul-ties knit together two souls in the spiritual realm. In the demonic world, unholy soul-ties can serve as bridges between two people to pass demonic garbage through.

Godly soul ties form in marriage with an equally yoked partner. Godly soul tie between a husband and the wife that God intended him to have is unbreakable by man as a covenant between God, man and the wife. When a soul-tie is polluted it fragments the soul causing a bonding division. Godly soul-ties should create a close-knit relationship honouring vows, commitment and agreements.

The marriage vows are spoken before God and in front of family and friends. Along with the vows, you will make (Declarations) which attest that you will always love and care diligently for each other in a way that will please God. As you can see there is a framework in place before we even get to the subject of marital sex. Marriage is a type (an image) of Christ and the Church.

The Church means all the elect that will be saved. The Church is the Bride of Christ. So, when a husband is told to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, it means with agape love. Agape love is passion, sacrifice, patience, and seeking her best interests at all times with humility and humbleness. The defiling of the marriage bed is adultery:

Matthew 19:9
“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Adultery for many is an attempt to lessen their guilty feelings. Some claim: “I wasn’t getting my needs met in the marriage.”

The word adultery is related to the word adulterate, which means to render something poorer in quality by adding another substance. This substance would refer to another person. Adultery is voluntary sexual activity between a married person and someone other than his or her spouse. Threesomes, wife swapping etc are all sins.

Pornography is virtual adultery. Every second, 3,075.64 dollars are being spent on pornography. Every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing porn. Every second, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines. Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is being created in the US. Pornography comes from two Greek words.

One is (prostitute) and the other is the word for (I record). Pornography refers to a penned or illustrated depiction of prostitution. Porn invites comparisons, encourages lies, lowers self-worth, robs intimacy and slaps Jesus around the face as you lust after a woman made in the image of God. Pornography is acting, people go to Hollywood with dreams of being in the movies. But, they can’t act. And they refuse to give up on their dream. Some venture into porn on drugs to get through the ordeal. Rape is not allowed or forced sex:

Colossians 3:19
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

Many try to twist the next Bible verse to justify rape or forced sex:

Ephesians 5:22-33
“Wives, (submit) yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Historically sex has been seen as something husbands always desire and to which wives must always submit. Jesus never forces the Church to submit to His desires let alone use violence. Rather, He willingly sacrificed Himself on the cross to save us, and lovingly beckons believers to obedience and humility for our benefit. A man’s body and a woman’s body belong to Jesus. Rape and forced sex in marriage is non-consensual sex and is forbidden. Giving satisfaction is part of serving your spouse. Sexual satisfaction and a healthy marriage go hand in hand together. God designed husbands with this appetite and He designed wives to be the fulfillment of that desire. Not only for the husband’s fulfilment but for the spouse too. Misquoting the Bible is not a character of Christ.

The word submission means to submit willingly to that person who sees in you the character of Christ. It has nothing to do with being forced against your will or committing any dirty sexual practices like a slave. There is nothing wrong in different positions as long as both consent and it’s done with purity in mind. Anyone planning on using various sexual positions should be aware that research has shown that some positions can cause a higher occurrence of penile fractures which will require urgent medical attention. The (Woman on top) and (doggy style) are the two sex positions that most often cause penile fractures. Too many people want to try different positions because they have watched it being done in a movie or from porn. Anything that is prohibited in the scripture is a definite no-no.

The Bible does not have to mention some things, as the concept of that act should not even enter the mind of a child of God. For example, anal sex is not permitted. The penis should never enter the rectum as it was not designed to ever do this, and is not a safe practice. Sodomy is anal sex! God intended for the penis to go inside the vagina, not the anus. Married couples shouldn’t be having anal sex. We must not take away God’s natural way of doing things. Anal sex increases the risk of tissue damage, infection and the risk of STDs. Oral cancer which includes cancers of the lips, tongue, gums, tonsils and parts of the throat has steadily been on the increase for about thirty years. In 2009 oral cancer was found to be one of the fastest-rising diseases in the UK, now affecting around 5000 people each year. Oral sex in other religions is also considered wrong this is quoted from Islam:

“In Islam, oral sex is considered “Makruh Tahrimi” or highly undesirable by some Islamic jurists when the act is defined as mouth and tongue coming in contact with the genitals. The reason behind this is modesty, purification (Taharat) and cleanliness. The most common argument states that the mouth and tongue are holy and used for the recitation of the Qur’an and the remembrance of Allah (Dhikr). The status of genital secretions is debated among the four Sunni schools, some scholars viewing it as impure.”

Anything that can cause disease through use that it was not intended for, is not from God.

Oral sex was a complete abomination until about fifty years ago, what led to an increase was the satanic uprising of “Do what thou wilt” promoted by Alister Crowley the author of the Satanic Bible. Every year that goes by a larger percentage of younger people and adults are having oral and anal sex. The Christian mouth should be used correctly for prayer, praising the Lord, spreading the gospel, speaking love, giving grace, repentance and more.

It does not matter how righteous you think you are, you are governed by pride. God did not design our mouths to be touching in that way as we have sharp teeth. There was an incident in the news where a woman was giving a blow job to a man whilst he was driving a car. He had an accident, and she by a sudden jolt bit down severing his penis and choked to death, the driver also died.

The Holy Spirit does not lead any kind of perverse sexual conduct. If you are a Christian who engages in oral sex you are not a born-again Christian but an unclean sodomite that God will say I never knew you at judgment day. Any technique used to make something work for fleshly lusts is not natural, hence it’s outside the law.

If a man has facial hair that would irritate or hurt a woman if he is going down on her surely the creator would have made every human without hair?

When the question of oral sex was asked to the older generations this is what they said:

“We never heard of it when I was a kid growing up. It was much later before I even learnt how to have a baby. Sex education at school was a bit of a taboo subject, and we certainly did not discuss it in the school playground. After World War 2 I heard about this thing called oral sex and my parents were disgusted when I told them about it. The Devil is using Hollywood, porn and the Media to promote this rubbish today. If you think you are saved doing this, then think again.”

You can explore your spouse’s body with your hands and mouth, but the mouth should not come into contact with the penis, the anus or the vagina. Fantasies about others are forbidden.
Sexual self-control is directly related to prayer and having sex with your spouse. And a lack of sexual self-control is directly related to finding sexual pleasure without your spouse.

Therefore, since masturbation does not include your spouse’s participation, the Bible declares it evil. When people masturbate, they usually think of someone, and the Bible is clear on its position on lust.

Secondly, if you are married and you use sex toys without a partner, you might be thinking of someone else and that is a form of cheating. Any sexual pleasure that does include the physical participation of your spouse with purity and the framework above in mind is fine. Sex toys are also in many cases replacing your spouse.

If you can no longer satisfy your spouse because you need a toy, then you are doing something wrong.

Sex is a revealer of what is happening in your marriage. Watching porn in the past, TV, culture, and modern ideas can influence your thinking about wrong sexual practices in the future.

What Are the Four Loves?

Storgé, or family affection, is mentioned only one time, in Romans 12:10.

“Be devoted to one another in love.”

Phileō is used many times in Scripture (see example in John 21:15-17).

“Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me…?’”

Agapé is the word for love used most often in the Bible, being therefore the type of love upon which we should focus the hardest.

“Love is patient, love is kind … It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

King Solomon left us the Songs of Solomon about the holy love between a man and a woman which points us both to the importance of faithfulness and the very heart of God and His covenant of agape love with us. True love is not rushed or fabricated but is a result of patience. love is active; an attitude to serve rather than be served.

The sex toy industry is worth 68 billion pounds a year. Research has been performed on the safety of sex toys. The first major concern is that the data reveals vibrators can often cause numbness of the genitals. In a Psychology Today article, a rhetorical question was asked if vibrators can numb the genitals. The answer that was given was categorically yes. If 60-65 per cent of people are using sex toys, losing sensitivity and experiencing an increased inability to achieve an orgasm, isn’t it any wonder marriage partners can’t see past the worldly fog of confusion? The truth is that sex toys are derived from the porn industry.

The vast majority of the time, a woman’s clitoris can start to become dependent on that one particular type and intensity of stimulation, which makes it harder to reach orgasm with her spouse. This is the body’s way of being tricked into trying to achieve unrealistic expectations. Dildos during pregnancy can be very risky to the baby under certain circumstances. Sometimes a dildo or a vibrator that is inserted into the vagina cannot be removed by the woman if it slips in too far.

Sex toys are not permitted into the rectum. It’s a waste chute things come out, not go in, which is basic common sense. Medical emergencies are on the increase for injuries related to sex toys. Vibratory strain injury just highlights these problems that may first merely frustrate but can develop into chronic mental conditions. Sex toy safety also provides warnings about the chemicals and materials used in manufacturing these sex toys. Physically disabled justification for the use of sex toys to satisfy her is just a cop-out because the mind is not Holy Spirit-driven. Flee from sexual immorality.

Good sex always necessitates godly self-discipline in how we care for our bodies. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Perversion lust, and degrading the body as an object are all not in the will of God. We cannot defeat sexual temptation in our strength.

But with God’s help, all things are possible. God promised to give his redeemed elect a new heart (that is, new desires, longings, and thoughts) and to put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife points to the love between Christ and his church. Those who substitute toys for marital intimacy undervalue God’s glory.

Self-control pleases God, nurtures hope for eternal life, and frees one from fear of future punishment ie judgment.

Denying the body’s cravings can develop greater surrender to the control of the Holy Spirit. This applies perfectly to self-pleasure while your spouse is not around and a woman in menopause with no desire for sex. S&M or taking pleasure in inflicting pain and taking pleasure in experiencing pain is just evil.

If you don’t get the message of this topic by now you never will. To bring pain, degradation, or humiliation into the sexual relationship distorts the marriage bed even when such actions are mutually consensual. The more extreme aspects of BDSM are rooted deeply in Satanism and paganism and are definitively ungodly and categorically perverted.

Born-again believer’s aims should be for salvation not elements of prostitution. Christian so-called sex toys and some stores promoting this garbage are also not in the will of God.

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